Kicking and screaming or begging and pleading is NOT the best way for you to get your spouse back when you are having marriage problems. No matter how much you want to, it is not the best way for you to communicate with your estranged spouse, just don't do it!
Take a moment to read the following article and you'll see what a better option for you would be.
First things first. Appear to be in control of your emotions! Do NOT act desperate, needy, or emotional! This won't make your spouse want to spend time with you, but will make them back away so fast you won't see the door shut, but you'll hear the SLAM!
Has your spouse accused you of being needy? Change that image they have of you and appear to be in control. Notice I stated "appear". Because you are upset and your emotions are all over the place, you probably won't be able to BE in control, but to APPEAR to be in control is a start to opening the doors of communication.
Is your spouse talking about leaving? Talking about divorce? This may be hard to understand at first, but agree with the separation or the breakup.
Yes, I know you probably won't want to, but agreeing to do so, in a calm manner, will shake them up and make them look differently at you. Just agree FOR NOW!
Now that they've left the home or you are in the middle of a separation, what do you do? Do you call them? Do you leave messages? Do you do a "drive by" past their new place of residence? NO! Leave them alone! Give them space and give yourself some time to plan your course of action.
While driving them nuts by constantly calling, leaving messages or text messaging definitely will NOT get them back in your life, giving them their space right after a break up WILL open up a door for you to get back with your spouse or ex.
Remember, one of the golden rules in life is that we all "want what we can't have". Giving them their space is rooted deeply in this golden rule. Your spouse or ex hasn't heard from you since the breakup and they are wondering WHY? They haven't forgotten you, in fact, you are making them think of YOU even more this way! They are wondering WHY you haven't called them? Don't you care? Don't you miss them? WHY? WHY? WHY? This is definitely where you want them to be.
Take this time apart to shore yourself up. Do some things that YOU like to do. Go out with a friend, go shopping, go fishing, (do anything you like to do!) or help someone else who is having a hard time. Helping someone else who is in a bad situation will help you to see that while you are in an unhappy place in your life, there are always others who have it worse than you. It helps with the perspective of things.
Stay busy! If you stay busy, it's easier to talk yourself out of "maybe they want to hear my voice" and you blow all of your hard work. Finish that project you started last year, take up a new hobby, visit someone you haven't seen in a long time. Just stay busy!
While you are giving yourself some time to think and smooth out your emotions, the same thing is happening with your spouse. They have been thinking about you and, because you haven't been demanding, needy, and emotional, they are starting to wonder why they broke up with you.
Give it about a month before you even think of making contact with them.
After giving it about a month of not calling your spouse or ex, it's time to call them and talk.
Do you know what to say? Do you want to KNOW what to say?
Tips on WHAT to say and HOW to say them at Fix My Marriage or you can go to http://squidoo.com/fixmarriage1
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michelle_Lacroix_Toro
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Wednesday, May 5, 2010
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